I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
