He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
