Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize