Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
