I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
