I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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