Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
