I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
