i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
