Quick, to the slutcave!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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