that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize