someone owes me an orgasm
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
