the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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