you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
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Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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