I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
