The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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