I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
