did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
