is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i drank out of a bidet.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
