What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
