somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
