it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
