I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
