You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
