well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
