she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
