I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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