Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think your dad took our porno
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
