he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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