He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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