Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
