I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
