Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
