he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
