I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
