he shaved USA in his pubs
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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