Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
