who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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