Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
