i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
