you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
