I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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