I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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