just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
