I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my being single is dangerous.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
