made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize