A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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