my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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