I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Small penises have feelings too.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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