I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
