I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
