i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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