we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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