I seem to have left my pride at pride
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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