Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
