I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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