i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
