I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
