I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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