she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
