I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you made out with another girl for some wings
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
