im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
