Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
