Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
so much tequila, so little girl.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
