guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
