Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
