barbara walters just said penis...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
