I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
