I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
