how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
