I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
